Fingernail clipper sales have plummeted in the Big Apple and The New York Metropolitan baseball club is the #1 reason why. In a revealing interview with Omar Minaya yesterday on SNY, the Mets GM said ” It’s all a part of the big picture. Us in the business world realize that you need a diversified portfolio, especially this day an age. Fred, Jeff and myself all believe that these nailbiters we’re playing in opens us up a new door.” What the heck are you talking about, I’m sorry I don’t follow, said Kevin Burkhart. “We plan on cornering the market on fingernail clipper’s and without these edge-of-your-seaters it’s going to be difficult to monopolize the industry legally” explained Omar.

The Mets played in yet another nailbiter tonight(losing 4-3 to the Marlins), and Omar might want to think again about his new business strategy as something tragic almost happened down in Yonkers. A 22 year old die-hard-Met-Fan was uncontrollably biting down on his fingernails, and because he had 1 to many shots of bourbon he kept biting down on his flesh, eventually biting his fingers off one finger at a time. When Martin Connett’s mother found the rabid Met Fan passed out in a pool of his own blood, she immediately called 911. When the youngster’s buzz wore off Martin told his doctor what happened and ironically as it may sound Doctor Sholls is a die-hard-Mets-fan, and owns two prosthetic hands of his own, a direct result of being a Met fan for 40 some-odd-years.

Your Relief Will Be Here Shortly: Al Reyes, Eddie Kunz and Johnathon Niese, are just 3 of the many pitchers that will soon be called-up. You got to admit it’s getting better. It’s getting better all the time. 1 of the guys they will call up throws 99, his name is Bobby Parnell. Parnell is raw, but he can flat out bring it.

LETS GO METS